Am I Asexual or Do I Have a Low Sex Drive?
Understanding your own sexuality and relationship to desire can be a complex and deeply personal journey. One question that often comes up in therapy and online communities alike is: Am I asexual, or do I just have a low sex drive? This can be especially confusing in a culture that places a heavy emphasis on sexual activity as a measure of health or intimacy.
As a licensed mental health professional and sex therapist, I help individuals and couples process these kinds of questions with compassion and clarity. I work virtually throughout Tennessee, Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Colorado, supporting people as they navigate questions of identity, desire, chronic illness, religious shame, and relational dynamics. This post offers guidance on how to differentiate between asexuality and low sexual desire and on how to honor your experience, whatever it may be.
What Is Asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like being gay, bisexual, or heterosexual. Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction to others. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't want relationships or intimacy, it simply means that sexual attraction is not a component of how they connect with others.
Some people who identify as asexual still choose to engage in sexual activity for various reasons (e.g., partnership, curiosity, or reproduction), but it’s typically not driven by internal sexual desire or attraction. Others may experience romantic attraction without sexual desire (these people might identify as “romantic asexuals”), and some may feel neither sexual nor romantic interest (often called "aromantic asexuals").
Importantly, asexuality exists on a spectrum. Some people identify as gray-asexual (or “gray-ace”), meaning they rarely experience sexual attraction or only do under very specific circumstances. Others use the term demisexual to describe only feeling sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed.
What Is Low Sex Drive?
Low sex drive, or hypoactive sexual desire, refers to a decreased interest in sexual activity compared to a person’s previous level of desire or relative to what they would like to feel. It is not a sexual orientation, but rather a descriptor of one’s current sexual functioning, which can change over time or with circumstances.
Low sexual desire can stem from many sources:
Hormonal changes (e.g., perimenopause, testosterone shifts, thyroid issues)
Mental health struggles (like depression, anxiety, or trauma)
Stress or burnout
Side effects of medications
Chronic pain or illness
Relationship issues
Religious or cultural shame
People with low sex drive may still experience sexual attraction, even if their body or mind isn’t currently “on board” with acting on it. They may want to want sex but feel blocked, uncomfortable, or disconnected from that part of themselves.
Key Differences Between Asexuality and Low Sex Drive
Questions to Ask Yourself
These reflections may help you explore your experience more deeply:
Have I ever felt sexual attraction to another person? If so, how often?
Do I want to feel sexual desire, or do I feel fine without it?
When I think about sex, do I feel curious, neutral, uncomfortable, or uninterested?
Have I ever experienced a change in my sexual desire due to stress, illness, or medication?
Do I feel internal pressure or shame about not wanting sex?
Do I feel romantic attraction, and if so, do I want physical intimacy that doesn’t involve sex?
Do I feel more comfortable identifying with a sexual orientation label, or with a functional explanation (like stress or hormones)?
These aren’t diagnostic tools, but they can help guide conversations with yourself, a trusted partner, or a therapist.
You Don’t Need a Label (But You Can Choose One If It Helps)
Whether you’re exploring asexuality or struggling with low desire, know that you don’t have to “prove” anything. Some people find comfort in identifying as asexual because it validates their experience as part of a recognized community. Others may not resonate with that identity and prefer to focus on exploring factors like health, trauma, or relational dynamics that may be impacting their libido.
Both paths are valid.
You can also be both: some people identify as asexual and experience shifts in libido due to mental or physical health. Sexuality is fluid for many people over time.
Final Thoughts
Your desire (or lack of it) doesn’t define your worth or your capacity for connection. If you’re wondering whether you’re asexual or experiencing low sex drive, the most important thing is to honor your experience without judgment.
If you’d like support in this process, I would be honored to help.
You deserve to feel understood—not fixed.