Loving Through Limitations: Supporting Your Partner’s Sexual Struggles with Chronic Illness
When chronic illness enters a relationship, it doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed, it impacts both partners, especially when it comes to intimacy and sexual connection. I know this deeply, not only as a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, but also as someone who personally lives with chronic illness.
As I’ve navigated my own journey with illness, I’ve experienced the grief of having my body work differently than I wanted, the frustration of fatigue or pain disrupting intimacy, and the shame that can come when I couldn’t “show up” the way I wished in my relationship. That lived experience shapes the work I do with couples across Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Colorado through online sex therapy.
This post is written for you, the partner of someone living with chronic illness. Because your experience matters too.
Understanding the Impact of Chronic Illness on Sexual Functioning
Chronic illness can influence every layer of sexuality, from desire to arousal to orgasm. Some common effects include:
Fatigue or pain making sexual activity more difficult.
Medication side effects lowering libido or interfering with erections/lubrication/orgasms.
Body image struggles tied to scars, medical devices, or physical changes.
Emotional stress such as depression, anxiety, or grief over illness.
For partners, this can feel confusing, lonely, or even like rejection. Many tell me they struggle to know how to approach intimacy without adding pressure or causing more pain.
Your Role as a Partner
When illness changes sexuality, partners often feel caught in the middle, wanting closeness but fearing they’re asking for too much. Here are some ways you can support your partner while also caring for yourself:
1. Lead with Compassion
Your partner is likely grieving changes in their body. Approaching intimacy with patience and empathy can help them feel safe rather than pressured. Remember: frustration is normal, but blame won’t help either of you.
2. Redefine Intimacy
Sex doesn’t always have to look like it did before illness. Holding hands, sensual touch, cuddling, or focusing on non-intercourse forms of intimacy can still create deep connection. Many couples find that broadening their definition of intimacy actually strengthens their bond.
3. Talk Openly About Needs
Silence often creates more distance. Gently share your feelings and invite your partner to share theirs. Honest conversations about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what’s possible help keep intimacy alive.
4. Adjust Expectations
Intimacy may look different now and that’s okay. Planning intimacy around energy levels, using pillows for support, or being flexible with timing can reduce stress and increase enjoyment.
5. Seek Support Together
Sex therapy offers a space to explore these challenges without shame or judgment. Having a therapist who understands chronic illness (both personally and professionally) can help both of you feel seen and supported.
My Specialties: Why I Care About This Work
As someone living with chronic illness myself, I bring more than clinical training to the therapy room. I bring empathy born from lived experience. I know how discouraging it can feel when intimacy is disrupted, and how much relief there is in finding new ways to connect.
My specialties include working with:
Individuals navigating chronic illness and sexual functioning
Couples struggling with mismatched desire, arousal challenges, and intimacy barriers
Those healing from purity culture and harmful sexual messaging
Clients coping with the emotional weight of depression, anxiety, or trauma alongside health struggles
Because I work virtually, I’m able to support individuals and couples across Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Colorado all from the comfort of your home.
You Are in This Together
If you are the partner of someone with chronic illness, it’s okay to acknowledge your own grief, confusion, or longing. Your needs matter too. Supporting your partner doesn’t mean silencing your own desires, it means learning how to navigate intimacy with compassion, creativity, and patience.
Illness may change how intimacy looks, but it does not erase the possibility of closeness, pleasure, or connection. With support, you and your partner can learn to write a new story of intimacy that honors both of your needs.
Taking the First Step
If intimacy has become a struggle in your relationship because of chronic illness, I want you to know there is help.
You don’t have to carry the weight of these challenges alone. Together, we can find ways to reclaim intimacy, strengthen your relationship, and support both of you through the realities of illness